Funny quotes for a good laugh

Looking for something funny to bring a smile to your face? Then take a read through these humorous sayings and have a giggle, curated by the Readro review team.

“I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.” – Molly Ivins

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali

“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.” – Naguib Mahfouz

“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”– Natalie Wood

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.” – Nicolas Chamfort

“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” – Norm Crosby

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom

“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.” – Oliver Goldsmith

“If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” – Oliver Hardy

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford

“Man has his will, but woman has her way.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.” – Oscar Levant

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” – Oscar Levant

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.” – Oscar Levant

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.” – Oscar Wilde

“A camel is a horse designed by a committee.” – Sir Alec Issigonis

“Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.” – Ozzy Osbourne

“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” – Paul Fix

“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” – Paul R. Ehrlich

“I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook

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