The Funniest Lines And Quotes In Literature

Looking for some funny lines from famous books? Then look no further than this list curated by the Readro review team.

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson

"To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."

- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

"You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."

- David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

- Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection

"There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends."

- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

- Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

"The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families."

- Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."

- Christopher Moore, Practical Demonkeeping

"The story so far: In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

For more funny content, check out Readro today.

Funny films to watch this weekend

If you are looking for a funny flick to watch this weekend, why not choose one, or two, of these hand picked by the Readro review team.

Don’t Look Up

In this film, two low-level astronomers, played by Jennifer Lawrence and Leonardo DiCaprio, attempt to warn the world about a comet that is approaching Earth and will most likely cause a mass extinction event on the planet. Along the way, they orbit around Tyler Perry, Timothée Chalamet, Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Ron Perlman, Ariana Grande, Matthew Perry, Himesh Patel, Jonah Hill, Melanie Lynskey, and Kid Cudi.

The Boss Baby: Family Business

Baby Ted, played by Alex Baldwin, is now all grown up and running a hedge fund. His brother Tim, played by James Marsden, is a married stay-at-home dad with two super intelligent daughters of his own. There is Tabitha, a 7-year-old who idolizes her uncle and is the model student in her class at the Acorn Center for Advanced Childhood. Then there is Tina, an infant and BabyCorp spy sent to expose skeletons in her sister’s school’s closet. Tina’s mission is to bring the estranged brothers back together.

For more great comedy, head over to Readro today.

Funny lines to cheer you up

Looking for a good laugh? Take a read through these funny lines and feel instantly cheered, courtesy of the Readro review team.

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” – George Burns

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?” – George Carlin

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” – George Carlin

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” – George Carlin

“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.” – George W. Bush

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly

“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.” – Billy Connolly

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” – Billy Sunday

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” – Gertrude Stein

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” – Groucho Marx

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” – Groucho Marx

“Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!” – Groucho Marx

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

For plenty more humour content, check out Readro today.

Funny quotes for a good laugh

Looking for something funny to bring a smile to your face? Then take a read through these humorous sayings and have a giggle, curated by the Readro review team.

“I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.” – Molly Ivins

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” – Muhammad Ali

“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.” – Naguib Mahfouz

“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”– Natalie Wood

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.” – Nicolas Chamfort

“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” – Norm Crosby

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Norman Wisdom

“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.” – Oliver Goldsmith

“If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” – Oliver Hardy

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford

“Man has his will, but woman has her way.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.” – Oscar Levant

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” – Oscar Levant

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.” – Oscar Levant

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.” – Oscar Wilde

“A camel is a horse designed by a committee.” – Sir Alec Issigonis

“Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.” – Ozzy Osbourne

“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” – Paul Fix

“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” – Paul R. Ehrlich

“I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook

For plenty more humour content, check out Readro today.

Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud

Looking for a good laugh? Here at the Readro review team We’ve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud.

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” – Ann Landers

“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” – Anton Chekhov

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”– Ashleigh Brilliant

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin

For more funny content, check out Readro today!

FUNNY FOOD AND SNACK QUOTES

These funny quotes about snacking are sure to make you laugh out loud! Snack quotes are super funny and a great way to connect with those you love over food and best of all, these were all hand-picked by the Readro review team.

“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” – Ernestine Ulmer

“I’ve long believed that good food, good eating, is all about risk. Whether we’re talking about unpasteurized Stilton, raw oysters or working for organized crime associates, food, for me, has always been an adventure.” – Anthony Bourdaine

“Tell me what to eat, and I will tell you what you are.” – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” – Jim Davis

“Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem.” – James Patterson

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.” – Orson Welles

“The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken.” – Maya Angelou

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” – Julia Child

“Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks.” – Marilyn Wann

“My doctor told me I had to stop throwing intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.” – Orson Welles

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” – Mark Twain

“I’m pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet.” – Amy Neftzger

For plenty more great comedy content, check out Readro today.

Comedy movies to watch now

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and considering what the world is going through now, these comedy movies curated by the Readro review team may be just what the doctor ordered.

Free Guy

Day in and day out, bank teller Guy (Ryan Reynolds) is subjected to being yelled at, punched, run over, held hostage, and shot at—which he eventually realizes is because he’s an NPC (non-player character) in an incredibly violent open-world video game. That’s when Guy decides he doesn’t want to be that guy anymore. He wants to give being the hero a try.

Jungle Cruise

Disney takes inspiration from yet another of its theme park attractions in hopes of scoring a Pirates of the Caribbean–sized hit with this film. Dr. Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) goes in search of a legendary tree purported to have unparalleled medicinal properties hidden deep in the Amazon jungle. She hires a smart-aleck skipper (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) to take her and her brother downriver in his rundown boat. The journey is filled with dangerous curses, supernatural forces, creatures, restless natives, and dad jokes.

Minions: The Rise of Gru

It’s the origin story Despicable Me fans have been longing for. The new installment in Universal’s Minions franchise will flashback to the fabulous 1970s when the future supervillain is a tween with a dream of world domination but has to follow the rules set forth by his self-absorbed mom (Julie Andrews). The crooked-nosed baddie does it all with the hope of impressing and then joining a supervillain supergroup called the Vicious 6. Unfortunately, when Gru finally gets a chance to audition, he upstages them and makes powerful new enemies.

For plenty more great humour, check out Readro today.