Funny quotes to make you chuckle

Here is a great collection of funny and humorous quotes, curated by the Readro review team, guaranteed to make you LOL.

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” — Ann Landers

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” — Milton Berle

“I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife)… but still my own.” — Si Robertson

“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” — Salvador Dali

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” — Douglas Adams

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.” — George Carlin

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” — Rita Rudner

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” — Dylan Thomas

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” — George Bernard Shaw

“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us." — Stephen Colbert

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” — Emo Philips

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” — Sydney J. Harris

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!'” — Conan O’Brien

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright

“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” — Steve Irwin

“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.” — Jay Leno

For more great humour content, head on over to Readro today.